My dad recently told me, “There are many people who will put you down. Don’t be one of them.”
And that sticks with me every single day.
Ask me some?
- 1.Kissed a girl?
- 2.Kissed a boy?
- 3.Had sex in public?
- 4.What’s your religion?
- 5.What does your URL mean?
- 6.Reason you joined tumblr?
- 7.Do you have any nicknames?
- 8.Do you like bubble bath?
- 9.Kissed in the rain?
- 10.Dyed your hair?
- 11.Soup or salad?
- 12.Vegetable or meat?
- 13.Go out drinking?
- 14.Smoke cigarettes?
- 15.Smoke weed?
- 16.Do any hard drugs?
- 17.Have you had sex today?
- 18.Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?
- 19.The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
- 20.Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
- 21.Skipped doing homework to play a video game?
- 22.Tried to commit suicide?
- 23.The last time you felt broken?
- 24.Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt?
- 25.Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
- 26.Do you have Long hair OR short hair?
- 27.First thing you notice to a guy/girl?
- 28.Do you sing in the shower?
- 29.Do you dance in the car?
- 30.Where were you yesterday?
- 31.Ever used a bow and arrow?
- 32.Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
- 33.Do you think musicals are cheesy?
- 34.Is Christmas stressful?
- 35.Favorite type of fruit pie?
- 36.Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
- 37.Do you believe in ghosts?
- 38.Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
- 39.Take a vitamin daily?
- 40.Wear slippers?
- 41.Wear a bath robe?
- 42.What do you wear to bed?
- 43.Do you want to get married?
- 44.Can you curl your tongue?
- Relationship preference:
- 45.How many relationships have you had?
- 46.How can I win your heart?
- 47.what makes a great relationship?
- 48.Shy OR open?
- 50.Religious OR non-religious?
- 51.Caring OR non-restricting of you?
- 52.Straight edge OR non-straight edge?
- 53.Piercings OR no piercings?
- 54.Tattoos OR no tattoos?
- 55.Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type?
- ask me these, please? : )
When I think about never speaking to him again, I picture a girl walking in a crowd that’s all moving in the same direction, and then suddenly she drops everything she’s holding and turns around and starts running as fast as she can, smiling and pushing past everyone till finally she reaches an open space and her face looks like sunshine as her hair blows behind her in the wind and she’s free she’s free, oh God, she’s free.
But then I think about walking into a doctor’s office ten years from now and sitting on a cold metal table, staring at my legs dangling off the edge, waiting. And then I look up as the door opens slowly, not expecting to see his tattooed arms hidden in a lab coat, but there he is and, oh God, his eyes haven’t changed, and I can’t breathe, and he just stands there, looking at me like an unfinished sentence. Then I’d have to let him put a stethoscope to my chest and listen to my heart and I wonder what it’d sound like, if it would sound like messy half beats of missing him. If he’d be able to tell. If he’d care.
Or maybe the next time I see him, if I ever see him again, we’ll both be whole versions of ourselves, content and in good places, our lives all sorted out and how we always hoped they’d be. And maybe we’d be able to talk about the weather and our kids and the lives we created apart. And maybe I’d be able to look at him with only feelings of pleasant acquaintance and relative indifference, not seeing the boy I fell for when I should’ve been focused on catching myself.
And I should find comfort in thinking about how one day I may look at him and feel nothing,
but it’s four in the morning and I don’t want to let go.